Something interesting has been happening in my life the past few months, and I think it’s time I shared it with you guys. In fact, I think it would be good if I shared it with as many people as possible. To be honest, it’s still a bit confusing, ’cause the phenomenon is kinda mind-blowing, but I’ll do what I can to summarize it in plain English.

The bottom line? When you give from the heart you will reap a reward. Every single time.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m an extreme giver by heart. I don’t know how I came to be this way (aside from the grace of God), but as I grew up I quickly learned that I REALLY like to give stuff to other people. Whether it’s my time, my resources, my friendship, whatever – I just love sharing what God’s given me.

As I’ve been establishing Mills Creative Minds and preparing to be in a position to give in a BIG way (visit The Vision section at Mills Creative Minds for more info), I’m learning how to handle money wisely when it comes to generous giving. I’ve also studied giving in general, as well as the harvest principle of sowing and reaping.

I think one of the most overlooked (yet key) elements to effective giving is giving away things that we’re passionate about, in the specific AREAS that our passion is in. It’s almost as if our giving is “supercharged” when we make a point to give PASSIONATELY.

Don’t believe me? I don’t blame you. So here’s a few personal examples from the past few months. Read ‘em and make your own conclusion.

In late August Kim and I received an e-mail from some friends detailing a tragedy they were going through with their youngest son. Under 3 years old, and he had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. 3 years old. Can you imagine the terror they must have felt as parents? Well, that’s what went through MY mind. So Kim and I looked at our bank account and talked about what we could give to them to help. They weren’t ASKING for money, but I figure the medical bills they were going to be facing would be significant. So after a few days of talking it over, we decided to send them $500.

Now, that’s a lot of money. But again, when it comes to medical bills? That might barely make a dent. So we sent that to them in August, and didn’t think anything more of it. Until November. Because that’s when we received an unexpected check (from a source completely unrelated to our friends) in an amount slightly greater than $5,000. You read that right. That’s a 5, with four zeros tacked onto the end. Now THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a considerable amount of money. Quite a bit more than the $500 seed I had apparently planted.

Now, I must admit that I didn’t see a link between the giving and receiving until a few days afterwards. And even when I DID think about it, I kind of brushed it off as a coincidence. The only thing that piqued my curiosity was the fact that I had read somewhere about how we can expect to be blessed tenfold what we give. But I think this is in reference to giving to God, and I certainly didn’t expect it would be so literal. Or so relatively quick. If this was the only anecdote I had to share, it wouldn’t hold much water.

Don’t worry, though. I have a handful of other interesting stories to share.

Kevin

 

Psalms 15:1-5

1 Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?

Who may live on your holy hill?

2 He whose walk is blameless

and who does what is righteous,

who speaks the truth from his heart.

3 and has no slander on his tongue,

who does his neighbor no wrong

and casts no slur on his fellowman,

4 who despises a vile man

but honors those who fear the Lord,

who keeps his oath

even when it hurts,

5 who lends his money without usury

and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

He who does these things

will never be shaken.

When you read these verses you quickly realize that it’s nearly  

impossible to adhere to. We might excel in one area and then fall flat  

on our faces in another the very next day. Thankfully David goes on to  

explain (in Psalms 16) that our righteous comes from God alone, so the weight  

is lifted a bit more and we’re able to breathe again.

The one verse that stood out to me is the second part of verse four, which reads: 

“Who keeps his oath even when it hurts.” 

Here in Lubbock Kim and I attend Experience Life Church where they

just wrapped up an excellent series called “Redefining Marriage.” If

you’re not a member or a Lubbock native, you can still catch it either  

online at http://experiencelifenow.com/ in the podcast section, or  

subscribe to it here at the iTunes Music Store. Chris Galanos has always been

known to preach the Bible, regardless of whether it offends anyone or not,

and he didn’t hold back on this series. God has laid out some very specific

guidelines on how to get the best out of our relationships and marriages,

but the burden falls to us whether we want to follow through with them

or try make our own way.

In my opinion, keeping an oath in marriage is the key to its  

survival. A marriage simply can’t sustain itself on passion or emotion alone.  

Even a close friendship and companionship won’t help it weather the  

storms that life has in store. I strongly believe that the ONLY way to keep a

marriage together is to remain committed to it, regardless of how you feel.

I say this with passionate conviction because I’m speaking from experience.

A little over four years ago Kim and I were on the brink of divorce.  

Our lines of communication had broken down to such a point where we  

could hardly tolerate each other. We shared a house, a bed, a life,  

but there was no genuine intimacy between us. When we talked to each  

other our conversations were salted with misunderstanding or  

accusations. We were both hurt, and harbored unspoken resentment for the other.

We considered divorce, but not seriously. We’d seen enough of our  

friends get divorced to realize it didn’t solve any of their problems.  

In fact, it was clear that divorce only helped exacerbate whatever internal

issues they struggled with, resulting in their not only being more miserable than  

before, but being miserable and ALONE. After some long talks and  

professional counseling, Kim and I had some hard questions to ask.

We weren’t “in love” anymore, so what were we going to do? Did we want  

to stay married? And if so, how did we go about doing that, exactly?

When talking about my options to a friend from college, he cut through  

my circular arguments and bluntly asked me who I wanted to be.  

Regardless of how Kim might have hurt me or what she’d said and done,  

I had a decision to make. I could either cut the ties and run like  

hell, hoping to make a better life for myself somewhere and with  

someone else. Or I could stay with her and use my stubborn, creative  

streak to figure out a solution to the massive, imploding problem in  

our marriage.

I had arrived at a crossroads that I never, ever anticipated. One road (Divorce)  

led to more pain relief for the short term, followed by lifelong pain  

and confusion afterwards. The second road (Dedication) held the promise of less  

pain later on, but forced me to go through MORE pain in the short term by

staying in the marriage and aggressively dealing with our problems. 

I chose who I wanted to be that night, and that was to be someone who

keeps his word. I had promised Kim years earlier that I would be committed

to her for better or worse – and this was definitely WORSE – but I wasn’t

going to go back on that promise. Keeping that promise was, without question,

the most painful event I’ve ever endured in my life, but I can honestly say it was also the best decision I’ve ever made.

Keeping an oath even when it hurts.

If we decide who we’re going to be based on emotion alone, our  

character is going to shift like sand. We’re emotional, moody people,  

and we’re going to FEEL everything under the sun when it comes to our  

relationships. Love. Hate. Passion. Indifference. Gratitude.  

Selfishness. The list will never, EVER end. We simply can’t define ourselves  

by our emotions alone.

There comes a point where each one of us will have to decide who we  

are and who we’re going to be. REGARDLESS of how we feel or how  

someone hurts us or doesn’t meet our “needs” or whatever believable  

excuse we give ourselves to bail out. (And let’s face it, we’re pretty  

convincing liars when we’re justifying to ourselves WHY we do what we  

do.)

I share this with you to give you encouragement if you’re going  

through a rough time in your marriage. Sometimes people look at Kim  

and I and just assume that because we’re so crazy gah-gah over each  

other that we never have problems or fights. It’s just not true. We  

both have fantastic capacities to become classic, Grade-A jerks. But  

despite our jerkiness we’re 100% committed to each other. We’re

committed to talking, to crying, to opening up and making ourselves

vulnerable to each other on a regular basis. Contrary to popular opinion,

true intimacy isn’t all roses and perfume. It’s downright painful sometimes.

 

But it’s worth it. 

To be known and loved by someone despite all our faults and mistakes

and emotional upheavals and tantrums and everything else that makes

us HUMAN. I believe that’s something that only God alone can do, and

that it’s only when we focus on Him MORE than the people He’s placed

in our lives that we develop the capacity to truly love them. 

Warts and all.

 

- Kevin

It was a little over a week ago on Friday, June 26th at 2:40pm that our first girl, Kara Sue Mills, came into the world. The day was long (started at 6:00am), and as usual for Kim’s labors, was rather uneventful until the last 30 minutes of it. Then everything happened super-quick and BAM! Next thing you know, we’ve got a beautiful baby girl on our hands! Ta-daaaahhhh….

Initial thoughts? She’s a great addition to the family. A bit on the orange side until her jaundice wears off, but very even-tempered and a delight to hold & behold. Her most surprising quality? Her eyes.

Kim has kind of hazel eyes, which are kind of green on the outside, yellow on the inside Kaleb seems to have inherited her eyes, with the exception of the green being switched out for blue. Kyler’s are chocolate brown. Mine are light blue. And Kara’s? Well, Kara’s eyes are currently a deep indigo blue surrounding huge black pupils that look through your very soul. You can hardly discern the color, since she rarely opens her eyes (’cause it’s so stinkin’ bright in this new world). But when she does, you’re immediately taken back. “Wow. Those are some REALLY blue eyes!” They’re very cool.

And how have the boys adjusted to a new sister? For Kyler, it’s the same ol’ thing. New baby? No worries. Wanna play Transformers, Dad? Let’s play with Legos! Can we go to the park? So, yeah, in Kyler’s world it’s hardly a bump.

Kaleb, on the other hand, has some serious adjusting to. On the surface, he’s just as enraptured and giddy as we are about a new baby. He’s gentle when he pets her, and he’s not throwing toys into her bassinet. On the inside, however, I think he’s a little freaked out.

For instance, when I was holding Kara in my lap a few days ago, he comes up at looks at me and then at her, and says “Baby.”  “That’s right,” I said, “This is your baby sister. Kara.” He stared at her for a few seconds longer, and then went on his way. A few minutes later he was back. He crawled up on the couch, nestled his head into my lap and said “Baby.”

So, Kaleb has some displacement issues that he’s working through, and we’re trying to be sensitive to that. At the same time, however, we’re also not going to tolerate his (and Kyler’s) outbursts and tantrums. We’ll be sure to communicate our commitment and unconditional love to them, but they’re still gonna sit in time out if they decide to have Kmart Meltdowns in the kitchen. Sorry, buds, but that’s the way it is.

Kim’s doing well, considering how sleep-deprived she is. Kara wakes up two to three times a night, and it takes anywhere from 20-90 minutes to get her back to sleep. So if you see my wife and she seems a bit… odd… to you, maybe rambling incoherently or drooling more than usual? Just ignore it. She’ll be back to her normal, rested self in, say, 4 to 5 years.

And me? How has Kara’s arrival affected my life? Well, aside from puffing my chest out even more than normal as a proud father, I’ve scaled back my work hours for the time being. In fact, I haven’t done a thing for the past 2 weeks. I resigned myself early on that the first few weeks after Kara’s birth would be non-productive, workwise, but I’m also choosing to use this time to invest in Quality Family Time.

Perspective: Reboot.

I think it’s easy for people to lose sight of what they’re working for. We all know someone who’s a workaholic. They spend most every waking hour away from home, away from their family, and they justify it in their minds because their family is what they’re working FOR. (On the other hand, some people might just hate their family to the point they’d rather hang out at work, or a bar, or a golf course… than go home…)

Personally, I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to delude myself into believing the lie that I don’t have time for my kids. And I certainly don’t want to send that message, which I think I’m guilty of more than not. I want to communicate to my kids that they’re not only loved by me, but they’re valuable to me. Their time and attention is something I value, but if I constantly send them the message that “Dad’s too busy” or “Dad needs to just check e-mail” or “Dad has to finish this project and then I can play,” then one day I’m going to wake up and there won’t BE a kid to play with. And no amount of verbal “I love you’s” will make up for what my actions over the years have said even louder: “I don’t have time for you.”

So that’s my prayer these days. That God would tenderize my heart a bit more, and help me keep this perspective. On my life, on my family & kids, on my work. That I won’t forget WHY I’m doing what I’m doing, and won’t sacrifice my family for the sake of a good cause or worthy goal.

On a side note, Kyler and I saw the movie “Up” last week. Since it was being offered in Digital 3D, I decided to buy the more expensive tickets (& glasses) so we could experience it in all its dimensional glory. A part of me winced at the idea of spending $20+ on movie tickets, but then I caught myself.

What was the problem with doing that? With spending so much money on a movie for the two of us? I’ve spent more than that on action figures for myself. And going to movies is something Kyler loves to do. Plus, his primary love language is quality time, so seeing a movie with him effectively communicates two things: I love him and I think he’s worth my time.

But he’s also worth my money. It’s worth it to me to spend my money on my kids. I’m not talking about spoiling them, or buying them whatever they want, when they want it. But I think it would do a ton of good if we released the Kung Fu grip we have on our money – as if the world was trying to wrench it from our hands – and loosen up a bit.

Buy the movie popcorn every once in a while. Let them order a dessert or a milkshake for a change. Be spontaneous and take your kids to Toys R Us or Chuck E. Cheese not because they’ve EARNED it or did something special, but just because of who they are. WHOSE they are. They’re your kids. Love them. As much as you can, in as many ways as you can, as often as you can.

Because we’re all going to face That Day. When they’re gone, and we’re left with more old memories than new ones. And when that day comes, I think we’d all sleep a little bit better if we knew we did everything we could to give our kids the love and support they need to make it in the world.

Philosophical Armchair Advice.

I’m not an expert. I’m not a professional family counselor. But I am a man of passion, and one of the things I’m passionate about is trying to be the best husband and father I can be. To prioritize them above all the trinkets and projects and distractions life will throw at me.

Last year at this I was asking God about the direction He was taking my life. I had injured my hand and my stay-at-home life was turned upside-down. God used that time to start Mills Creative Minds and give me a clear vision for the future. Goals to achieve for His name, to accomplish His will.

Now I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been working 20-30 hours a week on making Mills Creative Minds a reality, and now my work week has been scaled down to zero. Even when Kyler goes back to school and Kim goes back to work in August, I’ll still be juggling Kaleb and Kara at home. I predict what little time I’ll have to myself will be spent in full-blown nap mode, recovering from the day.

So on one hand, I’m concerned. How do I make progress when I have less time to work? How do I move forward with the goals in my heart? It seems impossible, and depressing.

On the other hand, I’m cool with it all. It’s obvious that God gave us a baby at this time – Right Now – so instead of questioning His timing I might as well smile and accept her as the gift of God she is. God’s given me a goal, and He’s given me responsibilities. It’s up to me to figure out how to balance them out, how to prioritize them accordingly.

So I’m going to be working on that the next few months. Focusing on God. On fostering a basic, dependent relationship with the Creator of the universe. And devoting time to my family. Spending the fleeting time I have with them, while I have it. Not worrying about how God’s going to make everything happen. But trusting that He will. In His way. In His time.

- Kevin