For the past few months, I’ve felt strangely disconnected from God. Like He’s there, but I don’t have the same communion with Him that I was enjoying previously. The same intimacy. Back in December I felt like He was holding my hand daily. Leading me in my decisions, speaking to me on a semi-regular basis. It was a beautiful, wonderful time.

Then January hit, and He seemed strangely absent. Then February, and March, and now April. For the past 4 months I’ve felt disconnected, uprooted or something. And I’ve wracked my brain trying to find a solution.

Self-examination, to see if there was an unconfessed sin. Fasting, from both food & music (my primary indulgences in life). Prayer, lots and lots of prayer. Quiet listening. I’ve done everything I could think of to break the barrier down, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Kim pointed out recently (and quite wisely) that He’s still there, and He’s still in control of things, even if He’s not communicating with me directly right now. She said if God wanted me to know something, He’d tell me, but I can’t FORCE Him to talk, to communicate. All I can do is obey when I hear His voice, and rest in the fact that He’s in control of the relationship. He’ll reveal Himself when He’s ready to.

It’s frustrating, though. A part of me is horribly confused why God WOULDN’T reveal Himself to a child who desperately wants to know and do His will. All the promises we’ve heard about how God wants to have a personal relationship with you? That stuff kind of falls flat when you’re in a position like this. It doesn’t make sense.

Despite the silence, though, I’ve resolved to keep it up. I don’t want my faith to be built on fuzzy joy-joy feelings. To depend on the “feeling” of intimacy with Him, rather than a firm conviction that He’s always present. Faith is a decision, more than a feeling. Feelings are fluid, they change from moment to moment. I want my faith to be solid. Unmoving. Secure.

One thing I DO feel the Spirit is prompting me to do is share more. Specifically, to let His life “flow” through mine. I need to write more often. I need to share what’s going on in my life, the many ways He continues to bless me, change me, mold me into a new creation. It’s easy to get caught up in life and think only about ourselves. It’s hard to slow down, to take a moment to try to help other people around you.

I want to slow down. I want to be available for God. To do whatever He calls me to do, at a moment’s notice. I choose to live a life with margin in it. Room for flexibility. Not so rigid and structured and planned out that I can’t (or rather, WON’T) listen to Him when He speaks.
So that’s what I’m doing. Today. This week. I’m going to write more, to share more, to be more transparent.

Lord, change me. Take me in Your hands and stretch me according to Your will. I trust in Your plans, in Your goodness and Your ultimate map, whether I see where You’re leading me or not. I choose to trust in You.

Kevin

- I was given a full-sized, L-style desk (see picture below). This has been vital in allowing me to spread out my materials and sort through ideas on the ample desk space.

- I was given a Dual Processor 500Mhz G4 Tower, as well as a 21″ monitor. Both free.

- I was given a fax machine. (Makes it quite a bit easier to have Non-Disclosure Agreements returned to me. Faster than snail mail.)

- I was given a sub-compact mini-laptop. (An NEC MobilePro 780, see below.) It’s basically a keyboard and a half-sized monitor that folds into a nicely compact, portable unit. This has been instrumental in allowing me to write anywhere and anytime, utterly free of distractions and temptations that a full laptop comes with. This is also why I’ve been able to write so many blog entries lately. And since a large part of what God’s calling me to do these days is through written communication, this thing is a LIFESAVER.

- I was given an iPhone over Thanksgiving. Not sold. GIVEN. For FREE. People give away dogs. They give away old clothes. They give away underwear. They do NOT give away iPhones. If that‘s not the direct Favor of God, what is? But this is also incredible in terms of timing, because since this gift God has led me to pursue iPhone & iPod Touch applications as my first foray into licensing. So not only is it just nice to have, but it’s also integral in helping me accomplish what God wants me to do at this point in time. (I  CANNOT understate how cool it is to know you’re working in God’s will, and with His supernatural blessing. I wouldn’t have it any other way.)

- I was later given an iPhone Case as well (a nice rubber one I was hoping for!)

“For whoever finds me (wisdom) finds life and receives favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 8:35

Below are some of the many ways God has shown me His incredible favor the past few months.

- When searching for a Nanny for Kaleb to allow me to work in the mornings, God provided a Godly woman named Rhonda who lived within 5 minutes of us. In addition to this, she’s also affordable and genuinely cares for him. We thank God for Rhonda more times than we can count.

- About a month after watching Kaleb, Rhonda offered to watch him until 2:30pm each day, rather than the standard 1:00pm. She offered this for NO EXTRA CHARGE. This gives me an additional 7.5 hours of work time per week. That’s INCREDIBLE! Her generosity has made a HUGE impact on what I’m able to accomplish each week.

- I received an unexpected refund check for $300 from my lawyers. Apparently there was a miscommunication with the secretary and they had accidentally overcharged me for the formation of my LLC. Now, how often do you hear THAT happening? (The refund part, that is… not being overcharged by a lawyer…)

- The freelance graphic artist I work with lowered her hourly rate specifically to support what I’m doing with Mills Creative Minds. This was completely unprompted and unexpected. And appreciated.

The favor of God is often referred to as something Christians should “claim.” It’s an odd concept, “claiming” a right as a Christian. To try to clarify what this means, I figured I’d share what it means for me, personally, to “claim” God’s favor in my life.

I make a point to constantly remind myself that I’m loved and favored by God. I tell myself that His favor is being poured out on me daily, like a huge barrel of honey. It covers me and smothers me from head to toe, and it’s super-sticky. And not only am I surrounded by it, but it rubs off onto those around me. It’s sweet and delicious and it’s meant to be shared.

Because just as God pours His thick favor upon ME, I am an ambassador of His favor to those around me. I am responsible to show unparalleled favor to the other people He puts me in contact with. It’s a cycle, and to get that flow started we sometimes have to jumpstart it with a sacrificial gift ourselves.

I say “sacrificial” because I believe that when we give something up and it actually costs us – financially, emotionally, etc. – such an act is noticed and rewarded by God. That’s exactly what I believe happened when He led me to give money away in October (and again this month). It hurt to give. But I sincerely believe my obedience unlocked His future gifts of favor that I would have cheated myself out of if I had decided to ignore or resist His leading.

Galatians 6:7 addresses this concept perfectly. “A man reaps what he sows.” You really can’t get any clearer than that, can you? Yet we all know people who make a habit of pointing to everyone else in their life as “the problem.” “If only THEY did this…” or “If only THEY weren’t so ______”  You get the picture.

Responsibility: it’s not for everyone. (Apparently…)

You want it? You gotta give it first. Whatever you sow – encouragement, money, love… negativity, greed, selfishness – you’re gonna reap.

Don’t like what you’ve been getting in this life?
Time to take a closer look at what you’re giving.

In the next few days I’ll be sharing how God’s favor has been unleashed in my life. How, by simply believing in His love and desire to bless me, I have received far more than I could have ever asked for. He has blessed me beyond my imagination (and my imagination is a mighty fertile playground, lemme tell ya).

The good news is He wants to do this for everyone. Every single one of us who claims Jesus as his savior is heir to the kingdom. Not just the kingdom in the next life, but everything that God wants to give us in this life as well. (And those of you who are only thinking in terms of cash or lottery winnings are thinking way too small. Trust me.)

More to come,

Kevin

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”     – Psalms 84:11

One of the foremost arguments when discussing the concept of favor is that it’s works-based. That we can manipulate God’s willingness to dish out gobs and gobs of favor based on how we act or what we do. This idea is half correct.

On the one hand, God is a generous, loving God who wants to give us good things. And He is the one who controls the favor, not me. He’s the only one who provides for all my needs. My part is to just reach out and accept what He’s freely given. And that can prove to be difficult.

It’s not easy to fully comprehend that He genuinely wants to give good things to me, to bless me beyond anything I could conceive of. It’s also not easy to trust that He’s going to meet my needs, regardless of what my circumstances may look like. Because let’s face it, sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we’re just not convinced everything’s going to work out in the end.

God provides us with everything – absolutely everything. (“What do you have that you did not receive?” 1 Corinthians 4:7) We can no more manipulate Him to give more favor than we can get Him to give us more oxygen each day. Or make the sun shine more. Or make the sky bluer. These things are all freely given, and in the same way they can’t be increased, we also can’t earn any of them. The only thing that makes us “blameless” in the earlier verse is our identity in Jesus Christ. So nothing we do can make God love us more than He already does.

But what we do moment by moment CAN influence His desire to favor us with more than we deserve. Just as a parent would want to reward a child for their obedience and wise or generous decisions, God wants to reward those who live according to His will. It’s simple cause and effect.

Kevin

I’m only human. And I don’t feel adequate to try to explain what I’ve learned about God’s favor these past few months. Nonetheless, I ALSO feel that God wants me to write about it and share what I’ve experienced, so I’m going to try to tackle this thing, regardless of my self-doubts.

I don’t know why I suddenly had an interest in it, in finding out what “the favor of God” actually means. It was right after reading the books on watching what we say and believing in a positive future. Maybe the concept was mentioned in those books and it seeped into my subconscious. Ida know. But when I want to learn about something, I immerse myself in the subject matter and drink it in deeply. I smother myself in it, and by doing this I’m able to claw my way through it all and when I’m done, the teaching STICKS to me. It works for me.

So the following books & sermon series have helped shape my understanding of what it means to be favored by God. I highly suggest you check them out on your own, so you don’t have to rely on my slap-dash summarization to get the Big Picture.

Favor – The Road to Success (How To Receive Special Favor with God and People) – Bob Buess

The Blessing of Favor – Experiencing God’s Supernatural Influence – Kate McVeigh

The Favorable Hand of God – Charles Stanley (August 2008)

As I mentioned in an earlier post, when we respond to God’s leading with faithful obedience, He will unleash His favor and blessings in our lives like never before. Favor is wholly supernatural, even if it comes through natural means. Favor is when God opens up His heavenly providence and makes it available for us, as Christians, to take hold of.

Daniel was favored by God. He went from a lowly position in jail to highly esteemed in the kingdom. Jesus was favored by God. Everywhere he went he had followers, men and women who listened intently to his every word. As Christians we can expect that same kind of favor in our lives. We can live in expectation of being treated differently by those around us. We can expect to be blessed beyond what we deserve. (This is called “grace.”)

The verse that God has underscored for me the past few weeks is this: 2 Corinthians 9:8.

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”

This is what it means to me: I don’t have to freak out about the future.

Sometimes the growing list of “Things To Do” to make Mills Creative Minds is seemingly overwhelming. And it’s a slow process. Nothing has happened as quickly as I thought it would, or should. But if I remind myself of God’s promise in that verse, I’m okay. I’m at peace.

God knows my heart. He knows why I’m pursuing what I’m pursuing. He KNOWS it’s to provide money to missionaries and churches worldwide. And He’s able to provide me with everything I need to accomplish this goal that He’s put in my heart. Not necessarily everything I want – this isn’t a cosmic treasure chest, here – but everything I might NEED. And if I don’t have it, but I think I desperately need it? Guess what? I obviously don’t. Because God will provide what I need. (That’s hard to swallow, because we often get so emotionally wrapped up in situations where it’s easy to blur the lines between “needs” and “wants.”)

-Kevin

 ”May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us – yes, establish the work of our hands.”      – Psalms 90:17

A few weeks ago while passing through Oklahoma City, Kim and I were able to stop at LifeChurch.tv where we used to attend church. It was great to be there again and experience the fellowship & powerful messages.

That weekend they had a guest speaker, Bill Hybels. His message was on hearing the “whispers” of God, and deciding what to do with them. I had already planned on writing this column at the time, so hearing this message was both educational and a confirmation.

The gist of his message can be summarized in one sentence: Listening to and obeying the whispers of God results in the unleashing of His favor and anointing.

That’s it. You want to be blessed in this life? You want God to give you His favorable Hand in what you do? Then pay attention to what He’s telling you. And DO it.

This is a lesson that He continues to show me slowly, day-by-day. And just like Hybels said, I find He rewards me in accordance to my direct obedience to Him.

About two months ago I was driving in the car and praying. My lawyers (who helped me set up Mills Creative Minds as an LLC) were going through tough times, financially. The landlord of their building decided to stop paying the electric bill, so everyone in the entire high-rise were about to be cut off and thrown out. (If that’s not the textbook definition of “hard times,” I don’t know what is…)

So I prayed for them. I asked God what more I could do for them. He said to pay my lawyers an extra $500 IN ADDITION to the $1,600 I owed them for making Mills Creative Minds an LLC. I readily admit it: I hemmed and hawed for a few minutes, turning things over in my mind. Was that really God who said that? Or was it my mind playing tricks on me? Wouldn’t that just be awkward? Telling them I was giving them money because “God told me to”?

This is what we often do when God speaks to us. We try to discount the message because we find it unpleasant or painful. In this instance, paying $500 was quite painful. I have a set amount of funds set aside this year to get Mills Creative Minds off the ground. Most everything is earmarked for certain areas already. That $500? That was going to buy me a new monitor, which would in turn allow me to work more efficiently when designing ideas.

But there was no doubt in my mind: it was God who spoke. How did I know? Well, for one thing, it was a specific answer to a specific question. And secondly, my fleshly self was resistant to the idea. Which means it didn’t come from ME at all. So these two facts were enough to convince me to do it. I wrote them a note, apologizing for the awkwardness of it all, and sent ‘em a check for $500. I figured if I began Mills Creative Minds by following His leading, why in the world would I stop now?

The following week they sent me a thank you note, along with a very unexpected confession. In addition to their property woes, their practice was going through a particularly hard time overall that month, and they weren’t going to get a paycheck at the end of October. (It’s a small family practice; father, son & daughter.) They said that receiving the two ADDITIONAL checks for $250 apiece was heartbreaking for them, seeing how God was using an everyday schmo like me to meet their needs. (My words, not theirs.)

Surprisingly, my giving also had a direct result on me as well. Quite simply, God’s favor was suddenly unleashed in my life in ways I had never imagined. Not only has He provided for me financially, but mentally as well. Simply put, my brain is on FIRE since then. Pieces of the licensing puzzle are falling into place left and right. It’s fantastic. Things that previously stumped me are suddenly clicking, making perfect sense. I have a renewed sense of understanding. Of insight. Wisdom.

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”     – Luke 6:38

So the moral of this story is this: do what God is telling you to do.

Listen for His voice. Read His Word. Seek His insight. Hear what He’s been saying to you.

And then DO it. Obey Him. Follow through.

You will be blessed in ways you never imagined.

-Kevin