The Hook: People running from zombies, having to fight to survive, etc. Guns, Milla Jovovich in skimpy clothes, super-smart slimy dogs.

The Score: F

The Thoughts:

I saw this shortly after I saw Anacondas, and it only reinforced my joy of not paying more than 50¢ to see it. I’m not even going to go into the many reasons why this stinks (even more than the first one, if you can believe it).

So let’s just say this:

Good special effects and neat creatures won’t make up for a LACK OF REASONABLE, INTELLIGENT PLOT. Absolutely insane. If the scenes don’t make any sense, whatsoever, then it doesn’t matter who’s doing the acting, how cool the bad guys look, or how loud it is.

Just stinky. Astoundingly stinky. You can practially see the stink lines as they hover over the celluloid….

The Hook: Giant snakes in a tropical locale. Man vs. Nature.

The Score: C-

The Thoughts:

Boy, am I glad I saw this on in Tulsa at the dollar theatre. Actually, Movies 8 has a deal where movies before 6pm are only 50¢, which is even better. This way, the pain of actually having PAID for a stinker like this isn’t as overwhelming… whew…

Man, where do I begin? The premise was great, but the execution? Dude…

I know, I know… what should I expect? Perhaps some decent acting? The plot was actually well-written and thought out, but the actual characters? The interactions and the dialogue? Ugh.. I’m getting indigestion just thinking about it…

So, speaking as a fan of the original guilty pleasure, Anaconda, I strongly suggest you save whatever hard-earned money you have and NOT see this movie. Blech.

“If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath

and from doing as you please on my holy day,

if you call the Sabbath a delight

and the LORD’s holy day honorable,

and if you honor it by not going your own way

and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

then you will find your joy in the LORD.” (Isaiah 58:13-14)

“Doing as you please”

“Going your own way”

These are the phrases that slapped me silly a few weeks ago when I read them in the Bible. Like a vast majority of today’s Christians, I really hadn’t given much thought or consideration to what the Sabbath means, or how to go about honoring it.

This much I knew: the day didn’t matter. Calendars have been shifting for decades (well, centuries might be more accurate), but to make a definite statement like “Sunday is the ONLY Sabbath day God recognizes” is just an invitation for spam. (Especially on a public blog like this…)

So, while the actual DAY didn’t matter, I still believed it was important to have A day to set aside and rest. This also kind of tripped me up, because, to be rather frank, basically every day is a day of rest for me. With only one child to entertain and maintain, I find my life as a stay-at-home Dad to be surprisingly easy. Unless Kyler gets a hold of a Pixie Stix and radioactivates his blood with it, he’s a fantastically easy and enjoyable kid to be around.

So, when I considered that most of my week is pretty laid-back and restful to begin with, how to make the Sabbath any MORE a day of rest was puzzling. That is, until I found the verse in Isaiah.

Then it all became painfully clear.

The Sabbath is not all about me. It’s not just about resting and relaxing and kicking back. It should also be a day of reflection and concentration on God. But more than that, it’s to be a day that I don’t “go my own way” or “do as I please.”

This hit home. Seriously, I’m all about going my own way and doing as I please. Being home all day, I pretty much set my own schedule. I have plenty of time to sell things on eBay, visit a local bookstore, surf the web, listen to new music downloads, watch a DVD, etc. For a long time, it’s been all about me, and I’m coming to realize that with soberness.

So, after reading these verses, I’m determined to make a change in my life. I am going to honor the Sabbath like it should be, in the way I know how. It will be a day set apart to God and to others. I will sacrifice myself and my own plans, schedule, wants and desires, and instead think about what God would have me do and how I can help those around me.

No music. No movies. No novels. No idle surfing. No mindless entertainment. Nothing about forwarding my own personal agenda anymore. I will change the way I live, starting today. (Well, actually, starting a few Sundays ago…) (I should point out that, yes, this means I will be taping “Arrested Development” to watch on Monday…)

So that’s my report on the Sabbath, and what it means to me. Thank you… (places his paper on the desk and returns to his seat at the back of the class… where he was watch, and observe, and learn….)

Kevin

This is the picture I attempted to post a few weeks ago. This is an actual 7-story aquarium somewhere over in Tai Pei. Apartment tenants can glance out their windows and see the gigantic fish just swimming around in there, free as can be. (Well, as free as you can be, trapped inside an aquarium for life…)

I’m not a huge aquarium fan, but I can honestly say I’d be pretty interested in seeing this some day. And that’s saying a lot, because I basically don’t want to go ANYWHERE. (Just ask my wife… or my parents…)

Kevin

The photo thing figured out, that is. Not a sense of dignity… I
mean, who needs DIGNITY, right? You can get that on the street
corner… at least, you can in Edmond… every street corner… Yep.
It’s true… You can buy Integrity, too, if you’re persistent enough…

Kevin

The Hook: An everyday woman gets kidnapped from her home, reason unknown. She manages to get a smashed phone to work and randomly calls some kid on his cell phone. Said kid runs around L.A. trying to prevent bad things happening to her kid, husband, etc. Bottom line hook: it all takes place over a matter of hours.

The Score: B-

The Conclusion: Pretty good cinematography, with the appropriate zooms, angles, etc. Standard action-thriller stuff. The kid (whatever his name was) was an impressive actor. Kim Bassinger kind of seemed to be… ah… phoning it in… (no pun intended). She just seemed to be overly whiny and crying all the time… maybe that’s her character, when people get kidnapped… I dunno…

Mixed feelings, overall, but it wasn’t a bad movie. Certainly worth the whopping fifty cents I spent on it… decent writing, with just about any cell phone problem you can conceive of getting stuffed into the script. Not bad, though…