Kids: They’re Worth It.
It was a little over a week ago on Friday, June 26th at 2:40pm that our first girl, Kara Sue Mills, came into the world. The day was long (started at 6:00am), and as usual for Kim’s labors, was rather uneventful until the last 30 minutes of it. Then everything happened super-quick and BAM! Next thing you know, we’ve got a beautiful baby girl on our hands! Ta-daaaahhhh….
Initial thoughts? She’s a great addition to the family. A bit on the orange side until her jaundice wears off, but very even-tempered and a delight to hold & behold. Her most surprising quality? Her eyes.
Kim has kind of hazel eyes, which are kind of green on the outside, yellow on the inside Kaleb seems to have inherited her eyes, with the exception of the green being switched out for blue. Kyler’s are chocolate brown. Mine are light blue. And Kara’s? Well, Kara’s eyes are currently a deep indigo blue surrounding huge black pupils that look through your very soul. You can hardly discern the color, since she rarely opens her eyes (’cause it’s so stinkin’ bright in this new world). But when she does, you’re immediately taken back. “Wow. Those are some REALLY blue eyes!” They’re very cool.
And how have the boys adjusted to a new sister? For Kyler, it’s the same ol’ thing. New baby? No worries. Wanna play Transformers, Dad? Let’s play with Legos! Can we go to the park? So, yeah, in Kyler’s world it’s hardly a bump.
Kaleb, on the other hand, has some serious adjusting to. On the surface, he’s just as enraptured and giddy as we are about a new baby. He’s gentle when he pets her, and he’s not throwing toys into her bassinet. On the inside, however, I think he’s a little freaked out.
For instance, when I was holding Kara in my lap a few days ago, he comes up at looks at me and then at her, and says “Baby.” “That’s right,” I said, “This is your baby sister. Kara.” He stared at her for a few seconds longer, and then went on his way. A few minutes later he was back. He crawled up on the couch, nestled his head into my lap and said “Baby.”
So, Kaleb has some displacement issues that he’s working through, and we’re trying to be sensitive to that. At the same time, however, we’re also not going to tolerate his (and Kyler’s) outbursts and tantrums. We’ll be sure to communicate our commitment and unconditional love to them, but they’re still gonna sit in time out if they decide to have Kmart Meltdowns in the kitchen. Sorry, buds, but that’s the way it is.
Kim’s doing well, considering how sleep-deprived she is. Kara wakes up two to three times a night, and it takes anywhere from 20-90 minutes to get her back to sleep. So if you see my wife and she seems a bit… odd… to you, maybe rambling incoherently or drooling more than usual? Just ignore it. She’ll be back to her normal, rested self in, say, 4 to 5 years.
And me? How has Kara’s arrival affected my life? Well, aside from puffing my chest out even more than normal as a proud father, I’ve scaled back my work hours for the time being. In fact, I haven’t done a thing for the past 2 weeks. I resigned myself early on that the first few weeks after Kara’s birth would be non-productive, workwise, but I’m also choosing to use this time to invest in Quality Family Time.
Perspective: Reboot.
I think it’s easy for people to lose sight of what they’re working for. We all know someone who’s a workaholic. They spend most every waking hour away from home, away from their family, and they justify it in their minds because their family is what they’re working FOR. (On the other hand, some people might just hate their family to the point they’d rather hang out at work, or a bar, or a golf course… than go home…)
Personally, I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to delude myself into believing the lie that I don’t have time for my kids. And I certainly don’t want to send that message, which I think I’m guilty of more than not. I want to communicate to my kids that they’re not only loved by me, but they’re valuable to me. Their time and attention is something I value, but if I constantly send them the message that “Dad’s too busy” or “Dad needs to just check e-mail” or “Dad has to finish this project and then I can play,” then one day I’m going to wake up and there won’t BE a kid to play with. And no amount of verbal “I love you’s” will make up for what my actions over the years have said even louder: “I don’t have time for you.”
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